Our society has a culture of “it gets better,” and we are constantly told that we are better than we’ve ever been. Anti-bullying activists are using their beliefs to challenge the “it gets better” culture within our society.
Saying “Things are getting better” is a common response to the bad things in our lives. But research shows that this phrase can do more harm than good. When people think things are getting better, they feel less prepared to handle the unexpected, making them more vulnerable to harm.
It’s become a common belief that saying things like “it gets better” or “things will improve” can help to make people feel better about their current situation. Whilst it can help “at the moment”, it can be counterproductive in other cases and may leave people feeling like they want more support.
The sentiment is repeated so often that we assume it will always reflect a healthy reality, but the reality is far from it. When we tell people that things are getting better, we offer them false hope. Inside we can be struggling, but don’t want our friends and family to see, or feel the same burden. We can keep telling ourselves “It gets better”, but deep down, it gets worse, as the negatives outweigh the positives. This can cause people to ignore the reality of what they are facing and instead focus on some fantasy of the future that is not likely to happen. The best thing they can do is seek to open up to a trusted friend or family member.
We use a lot of words in our daily lives, especially positive words. We say things like “OK,” “great,” or “awesome” in certain situations. We also use positive words to make others feel good. We sometimes say things like, “You look great, Jenny.” When we say things like this, these can have a positive impact on the individual, as you don’t know what could be going on in their head. Any form of positivity can really help to boost morale and mood.
Talking to a friend is the first step to accepting it will get better. “It gets better” means that you and your friend are not alone and that there are people out there who care about you and are willing to help you through it. Chances are, there is somebody in your own family or friendship group who is experiencing a similar thing. We all suffer from our emotions and feelings at some point, and nobody faces them the same as somebody else. Nobody’s struggles are more severe than the next person, we all suffer and recover together. Asking if somebody is OK is one thing, but be sure to ask them again. And even a third time if you have any inkling something is wrong. They might be annoyed at you asking so many times, but they could thank you in the long run! It certainly does get better; it just takes time.
We have a strange relationship with those who suffer. We often resort to our peer group and those around us to judge the health and happiness of someone going through hard times. Many of us say things like, “I’ve been there” or “I’ve been there and lived to talk about it,” and then we make excuses for why the person shouldn’t be sad or angry, especially if they are in the public eye. This can harm the individual. Just because you could cope, doesn’t mean they can. We are all different, we all recover and suffer in different ways. Opening up about your suffering can be the first major hurdle to overcome any negative feelings.
People with depression often feel like they are carrying a heavy load on their shoulders. They may feel that their problems are unique, that they are the only person with this illness, or that no one understands their struggle. In reality, others struggle with similar issues. How you choose to respond to your pain defines your experience, and saying “it gets better” as much as it’s true, can be detrimental. It’s important to expand on the phrase and be compassionate.
You should NEVER say things like “This is going to get better” or “It might get better soon,” especially if things are getting worse. Why? Because it causes your stress and anxiety levels to rise. You’re much more likely to make a mistake if you’re stressing yourself out. The most effective way to deal with a grave problem is to take it one step at a time, breath, and try and remain calm. Remember phrases like “This isn’t the end of the world”, “this won’t last forever,” or even “This IS going to get better”. These are effective at maintaining a positive mental attitude. Think of it this way, if you’re dealing with a traffic jam, eventually you will get through it, and reach your destination. Regardless of any situation, there is always an outcome. There is always support, even in the most extreme cases. It does “get better”, but it will get better at the pace you set.
